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English: I made this raspberry sherry trifle a...

Where’s yours?

Finally the slimming public have knocked Dr Dukan from Amazon’s top ten food books and replaced him with the younger, shinier, glamorous wellness guru to the stars, James Duigan.  This shining example of health and chest hair was always destined to win the hearts of serial dieters with his complete lack of qualifications in science and diet and a wealth of celebrity endorsements.

The Clean and Lean diet book informs us that food such as sugar, alcohol, processed foods and fizzy drinks are not making us fat because they are full of calories, but because they are full of toxins.  Eating a ‘clean’ diet and purchasing James’ expensive supplements will in turn clean out your excretory system and enable you lose weight.  The reason you have not been able to keep weight off when you’ve undertaken other unscientific, malnourished diets is because your body is toxic.

No fad diet can be trusted unless it recommends the minimum of two litres of filtered water a day and James duly complies with this comforting and baseless advice.  Feed your body with food that makes you feel ‘amazing’ he says.  Unfortunate for those of us who feel amazing eating a family sized trifle in one sitting.

His books are full of pictures of bikini clad beauties that are perhaps supposed to help with his visualisation techniques, but will probably be of more interest to your husband.  James’s lovely, lean wife, Christiane, fully endorses her husband’s work in the introduction to his recipe book; maybe his next book will contain a reference from his mum.

To be fair to James, if you just followed his recipes you would lose weight, but do we really still need to be told to eat more fruit and vegetables and less processed food?  What you’re buying into is the myth of detoxing, both through food and the Epsom salt baths which he claims will draw toxins out of your body.  This regime is not going to give you the body of James Duigan’s muse, Elle Macpherson and in your heart of hearts, you do know this.